Everything That Rises Must Converge
by JackieStarSister
Summary: A canon-compliant short story cycle studying Rey and Ben/Kylo's characterization, their interactions, and the evolution of their relationship.
1. Table of Contents

**Epigraph**

Remain true to yourself, but move ever upward toward greater consciousness and greater love! At the summit you will find yourselves united with all those who, from every direction, have made the same ascent. For everything that rises must converge. ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, "Omega Point"

* * *

 **Table of Contents**

"The Force Awakens." Kylo Ren hears about and eventually encounters a strange girl allied with his enemies.

"Hope Springs Eternal." While journeying to find Luke Skywalker, Rey reflects on how far she has come and where she is going.

"The Force Connects." Kylo deals with his involvement in his parents' deaths, and both he and Rey struggle to understand their psychic connection.

"The Force Reveals." Rey reaches out to Kylo, and they gain new knowledge about themselves and each other.

"A Ray of Hope." Armed with new knowledge about the Skywalker-Solo family, Rey leaves Ahch-To and prepares for a new mission.

"The Force Knows." Rey arrives on the _Supremacy_ and Kylo contemplates his next move.

"The Force Defends." Kylo delivers Rey to Snoke and makes a crucial decision that might change the course of the war.

"Saving What We Love." Rey considers Kylo's offer and makes two pivotal decisions.

"Fighting What We Hate." Kylo pursues the Resistance and confronts his greatest fear, but it does not go the way he expects.

"Everything We Need." Rey gets used to living with the Resistance and reflects on her recent failures.


	2. The Force Awakens

_Published January 1, 2018. Updated February 23, 2019._

"The Force Awakens"

* * *

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. ~ Isaiah 9:2, New International Version

* * *

Supreme Leader Snoke had warned Kylo Ren that as he grew stronger in the Dark Side of the Force, an equal opposite in the Light would grow as well. They assumed it would be Luke Skywalker, which was why, after they learned he had not died the night Kylo destroyed the Jedi Temple, they prioritized locating and killing him.

And yet, Kylo found himself encountering people who he suspected might be his counterpart. He might have been paranoid, but that might have been warranted considering he had been so greatly betrayed in the past.

There were moments when Kylo wondered if the First Order trooper FN-2187 was the one. Kylo saw his reluctance to obey orders on Jakku, and therefore knew immediately that he was the one who had freed the captured Resistance pilot. Then, Kylo's men reported seeing FN-2187 wielding a light saber on Takodana. There were precious few light sabers still in existence, let alone in use. But perhaps it was not surprising that he had come across it, considering so many things from past wars were resurfacing in this one.

But there was also the girl from Jakku, who was reported to have helped the deserter and the droid to escape capture. She seemed, by all accounts, inconsequential, an innocent swept up in a conflict that had nothing to do with her personally. But any serious Force-user knew that there was no such thing as luck or coincidences.

Kylo learned the mysterious girl's name when he sifted through her thoughts. Her presence had been noticed, her appearance had been described, but no one seemed to know who she was. Among her most recent memories was a moment when Han Solo inquired her name, and then addressed her by it: Rey. What a mockingly fitting pun for someone strong in the Light Side of the Force.

What baffled Kylo most, at first, was the fact that the BB unit had trusted Rey enough to ally itself with her and even show her the map entrusted to it. Why would a droid with a reasonable sense of self-preservation in its programming trust a scavenger, someone who made their living by taking things that were not theirs, dismantling them, and selling them for profit?

Like Anakin and Luke Skywalker, Rey came from a lonely desert planet. Perhaps this accounted for her resilience and resourcefulness. It did not, however, explain how she came to be so powerful in the Force, with no teacher to guide her. Apparently her sensitivity had lain dormant inside her until some point during the search for the droid. Neither Snoke nor Kylo felt her power until it awakened during their search for the droid. What triggered this awakening was unclear. Was it simply crossing paths with the droid carrying the map to Luke Skywalker? Or was it her boarding of the _Millennium Falcon_ , a vehicle that had carried Darth Vader's children on so many journeys? What connection could she have with that legendary family?

Snoke and Kylo both wanted answers badly, which made her escape as angering as it was embarrassing, or perhaps even more so.

Kylo's anxiety over the girl competed with his concerns about the map to Skywalker, the preparations to use Starkiller Base once more, and Han Solo's arrival. He knew killing Han Solo would be the most painful thing he had ever done. It would secure his power and his place in Snoke's favor. It would prove he was even stronger than Vader, having done what Vader had failed to do: killed his own kin, put his loyalty to his master before any lingering familial loyalty.

He could leave, like FN-2187. But what kind of life could he lead outside the First Order? He was already known and feared and hated throughout the galaxy and especially by the Resistance.

Incredibly, mercifully, he was able to get his father's blessing, in some sense, before he killed him.

Once the deed was done, Chewbacca, the Wookiee who had been like an uncle to Ben in childhood, was the first to wound him. Kylo did not know why the shot did not kill him—either the shock had thrown off Chewbacca's usually expert marksmanship, or he had consciously chosen not to kill him.

When he caught sight of FN-2187 and Rey, he knew he had to catch up with them and turn them over to Snoke.

In the snowy forest, Rey shot at Kylo first, as she had on Takodana, but now her fear of him was overshadowed by anger and hate for him. She did not merely want to defend herself, but hurt him. Kylo made short work of her, knocking her out as he had then, only far less gently now. That would get her out of the way so he could deal with FN-2187. If Kylo had dealt with him right away on Jakku, punishing him instead of just scaring him with the frozen blaster bolt, Poe Dameron would not have escaped and the droid would have been captured.

Seeing FN-2187 in distress over his unconscious friend rekindled Kylo's anger toward him personally. The First Order had given FN-2187 everything, had raised him and given him power and purpose; yet he had turned his back on it, not only deserting but choosing to fight for the Order's enemies. Kylo envied and hated him for doing what he would not dare to do.

Somehow it did not surprise Kylo to realize the lightsaber in their possession was none other than the one made by Anakin Skywalker. The girl was a scavenger, someone who made their living by obtaining and exchanging items that were not rightfully theirs. It only made sense that she and her friend would treat something as precious as a famous master's light saber the same way.

FN-2187 had been trained to fight, and was now energized by fear and anger, but he did not stand a chance against the Master of the Knights of Ren.

Having bested the deserter, Kylo reached out to summon the Skywalker light saber. It moved toward him—and then past him, into the hand of Rey, who looked just as surprised as he was.

Kylo stared at her, amazed and incredulous. Was her connection to the Force even stronger than his? How else could she have summoned it to her hand as he tried to do the same?

He had begged Anakin Skywalker for help. Was this the answer to his prayer? Was Darth Vader pointing him to the one who could help him?

She looked uncertain, afraid, but resolved, as she ignited the light saber and held it up. As they crossed blades, she handled it not like an amateur, but a seasoned fighter trying out a new weapon.

For the first time, Kylo thought he understood how Snoke might have felt before taking him on as an apprentice. Kylo had never been keen on the idea of being a teacher or mentor, having a host of students or a single apprentice. But now he understood the appeal. He saw power that might be even greater than his own, and one part of him wanted to keep it at bay, while another wanted to help her use it even better.

So instead of summoning the strength to push Rey over the edge of the cliff, Kylo kept her pinned long enough to say, "You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force." It was no small thing for him to make such an offer, especially to someone who had aligned herself with his enemies. But he would rather have someone like her working with him than against him.

As they fought, Kylo could feel her pain, rage, and loathing, emotions that would help her advance in the Dark Side. She was not merely protecting herself or her friend, as the deserter had when he attempted to wield the light saber. Her expression and actions made it clear that she wanted vengeance, something quite out of line with the Jedi code.

If his wounds had not weakened him, and the Resistance's attack had not ruptured the planet and caused the ground to split between them, Rey most likely would have killed him.

Having to be rescued by Hux, his rival who hated him more than he feared him, made it all the more humiliating. Kylo could only hope it would be the last humiliation.

The wounds dealt by the Wookiee, the deserter, and the scavenger would leave scars. That was good: now every time Kylo took off his mask, whoever saw him would wonder at the scar; and when he looked in a mirror, or absentmindedly touched his face, or changed clothes, the scars would remind him of the battle, and rekindle his anger. He was grateful for every injury, knowing the pain and anger they brought would strengthen his power.

He counted their transgressions the way his mother had once told him to count his blessings. The deserter betrayed him and the entire First Order. The girl beat him at his own mind game, not only shutting him out but taking the offensive, seeing his thoughts, and flinging his fear at him. She then rejected his offer of training, damaged the light saber of his own making, and wounded him with the light saber that had belonged to Darth Vader and was rightfully his.

If that Force-sensitive scavenger-turned-rebel found Luke Skywalker, she might take the place Kylo should have had in the Skywalker family, might even surpass him in mastering the power of the Force. He would not tolerate that. If she was among the Resistance, he would find her. And if she succeeded in finding Luke, she would bring him to the First Order, one way or another.


	3. Hope Springs Eternal

_Originally published April 18, 2017, after seeing The Force Awakens.  
_ _Incorporated into "Everything That Rises Must Converge" on May 9, 2018._

"Hope Springs Eternal"

* * *

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;  
Man never is, but always to be blessed:  
The soul, uneasy and confined from home,  
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

~ Alexander Pope, "An Essay on Man"

* * *

When Rey reflected on the chain of events that had set her on this journey, she wondered if she should have let the Teedo take BB-8, or accepted Unkar Plutt's offer to buy BB-8. The First Order may have tracked it down on Jakku anyway, but she would not have gotten involved, so she would have been able to stay and continue waiting.

On Jakku, as on most desert planets, people looked to their own interests before those of others, which meant Rey had to do the same in order to survive there from a young age. But she also learned empathy, in an ironic way, through her own self-centeredness. When she saw or heard about someone in trouble, she wondered if they had something to do with her family; taking that mindset one step further, she imagined how she would feel if her family were in need.

Rey's first instinct had been to accept Unkar Plutt's offer. But she had hesitated, thinking it over. The BB unit was the first being—granted, not a person, nor even a creature, but still an intelligent being—that showed interest in her without being motivated by selfishness. And if it was expecting someone to come for it, and someone was expecting to find it, selling it would prevent the reunion they hoped for—perhaps one comparable to the reunion she hoped for. She would hate anyone who prevented it from taking place. She did not want to do that to someone else.

Finn was the first person who came back for her. Rey had thought she would never see him again, after he left Maz's castle with the smugglers. Unlike her family, who she could hope would return to her, Finn left with no intention of returning or seeing Rey or Han again. Rey thought Han probably would have tried to help her—he had definitely liked her, even if he tried to act nonchalant—but Finn had given up the opportunity to run away to safety, and entered the last place he wanted to go, just to find her.

Finn probably would not have been able to hide from the First Order forever, so maybe her getting involved and helping him escape Jakku had been a good thing. But if she had not joined the chase and helped him take the _Millennium Falcon_ , Han wouldn't have gotten caught up in their adventure, and wouldn't have had a reason to go near his son. That was Rey's greatest regret: the death of her friend, their mentor, a war hero.

 _"You feel like he's the father you never had."_ After learning about Kylo Ren's connection to Han, Rey wondered whether Ren felt jealous when he saw those feelings in her. Did he think she had replaced him in Han's life?

 _"He would have disappointed you."_ That couldn't be true; little though she knew about their family dynamics, she doubted Han could have been a bad father. Ren's perception was undoubtedly clouded. He could see into her mind, but he could not decipher his own thoughts.

Did Ren know she was watching, when he faced his father? Did he know how much it would hurt her to lose a friend? Was that part of his motive for killing Han? Self-blame stalked her, the way it had when she was separated from her family so many years ago. She tried to fend it off. She did not know everything about their situation; there had probably been other factors at play.

Maybe she could have—should have—intervened when Han confronted his son; but they had seemed on the verge of reconciliation, and it had seemed so personal, like something that should not be interrupted. The betrayal was so sudden, so last-parsec—all the more horrific because it had seemed as if it were possible that Ren would make the other choice. That was their reward for hope, Rey thought bitterly.

When she compared their lives, Rey could not understand how Kylo Ren thought and felt. She wanted a family, and lost it. He had grown up with a family—and not just any family, but a family of heroes—yet he rejected it. How could he be so stupid, so ungrateful, so malicious? How could he bring so much pain on his family, again and again?

When they arrived at the Resistance's base, Rey recognized Leia Organa right away, and the elder woman likewise seemed to know who she was, despite them never having met previously. Leia was not surprised to see that Han was absent. She already knew what had happened. And somehow, in spite of everything they had lost, she was grateful. Rey did not understand why—she had not been able to save Han or bring back Ben Solo—but she felt Leia's heartache as keenly as her own. Of course, everyone in the Resistance was saddened by the loss of the famous smuggler and war hero, but not all of them had known him personally. Besides Chewbacca, who had probably been Han's longest-standing friend, the two women were the most upset by Han's death.

Rey could not remember the last time someone had hugged her like this, like a parent. She felt bad for Leia again, for being unable to hug her own child.

They were tentative when talking about Han and his impact on their lives. Leia had so many memories she hardly knew which ones to share. Rey wanted to know about them, but did not want to cause Leia more pain; and when it came to sharing her own interactions with Han, she felt like they paled in comparison. Leia had known him for decades; Rey had known him for days.

"Han offered me a job—or said he was thinking about it. He liked that I appreciated the _Falcon_."

This connection, along with the discovery of Luke's location and the news that Rey was Force-sensitive, prompted Leia to offer her an assignment.

"The First Order will track us here soon. While we evacuate, you take Chewie and R2-D2 on the _Falcon_ to find Luke."

Rey was not sure if Leia's suggestion was based on personal feeling or pragmatism, or some combination of the two; but whatever the case, she was grateful for the gift. Rey wanted to finish the mission that had led BB-8 and Finn and Han to her, and she needed a way to deal with her grief and keep her from worrying about Finn. Leia gave her a cloaked binary beacon so she could find her way back to them.

If Finn had been going too, she might even have felt excited.

 _"The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead."_

Rey knew Luke might refuse. What Kylo Ren had done to Han might only strengthen Luke's resolve to never teach again. He might be afraid that Rey, or other Force-sensitive people in the future, would be tempted to the Dark Side as well. But she had already passed one test, by rejecting Kylo's offer to teach her. And since Finn had invested so much in her and in the Resistance, it would only be right to continue fighting for them, never against them.

If she succeeded in convincing Luke to teach her, to come back, to help them, she would have to guard her heart more carefully than she had when she met Han. No matter how similar they were, how well they got along, or how much he taught her, she would not let herself feel that level of affection and attachment again. She already cared too much about Finn, and BB-8, and even Maz and Leia. She wanted family, and needed friends and allies, but it was dangerous to care too deeply about anyone when the galaxy was so unstable.

Rey did not want to ever carry the kind of guilt and grief that Luke, Han, and Leia bore after they were unable to stop Ben Solo from turning to the Dark Side. If the Force was so potent when passed through bloodlines, she would rather not have any children. It would not be worth the risk of passing on the frightening power that was now awake inside her. The original Jedi were required to be celibate; she toyed with that idea—it was traditional, and would be safer—though she knew, deep down, she still wanted family, the kind of attachment Jedi knights were not supposed to harbor.

And yet, it was her attachments that defined her hopes and goals. She wanted Finn to wake up and recover from his injuries. She wanted to reunite Luke and Leia. She wanted to help Leia come to terms with what her son had done—if they could not be reconciled, they could at least find him and stop him from hurting anyone else. She wanted to contribute to, be part of, something bigger than herself or even her idea of a family. The Resistance was not a family, they were more professional than that, but they were a community. Their loyalty to their cause manifested itself in loyalty to each other. And after everything Finn had risked and Han had sacrificed, both for her and for the Resistance, Rey felt it was only right to continue what they had started.


	4. The Force Connects

_Published February 3, 2018_

"The Force Connects"

* * *

If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, _Driftwood_

* * *

Kylo Ren sensed Leia Organa's presence on the _Raddus_ , just as clearly as he had sensed Han Solo's arrival on Starkiller Base. His mother was on the bridge of the ship he was supposed to destroy.

He tried to convince himself to go through with it. He listed all the reasons why he should. She had neglected and deceived him throughout his childhood. She had abandoned him to Luke Skywalker's custody—not out of malice, perhaps, but out of negligence, lack of trust in her son, and misjudgment of her brother's character.

She should hate him now, for everything he had done in the past decade, even the past few days. But Kylo sensed no anger in Leia's recognition of him. Instead there was immense sadness and apprehension. What fear she harbored was more for her crew than herself.

Kylo had killed his father, proven that he could and would do whatever Snoke wanted, and yet Snoke was still not pleased with him. Why should he cause himself more pain without reward? With these thoughts, he pulled his finger off the trigger.

He saw the explosion, and knew, in some part of his mind, that she must be dead, but he felt no shift in the Force. It was as though she were present but not aware of him—perhaps unconscious.

The next presence he felt through the Force was that of a different Force-sensitive woman. The most surprising part of it was that it was completely inexplicable: Kylo and Rey were nowhere near each other, yet they felt and even saw each other as clearly as if they were in the same room.

Rey reacted the same way she had when she encountered Kylo in the forests of Takodana and Starkiller Base: her first instinct was to hurt him before he could hurt her. Kylo was so confused, his reaction time was off. Normally, if someone shot a projectile toward him in a fight, he would either evade it or use the Force to halt it in midair. Now, he did not have enough time or the clarity of mind to do anything; but Rey's blaster shot did not reach him, though his body reacted with a jerk in expectation of pain.

Kylo was startled, bemused, and intensely curious (as he continuously was around Rey). He was immediately determined to figure out what was happening and how he could use it to his advantage. If Rey was still looking for Luke Skywalker, she could bring him to the First Order. But when Kylo held out his hand and gave the command, she did nothing, except continue to stare, her fear making room for rising anger. Kylo realized he should have known better: she had learned to withstand Force mind tricks when he interrogated her on Starkiller Base.

"You going to pay for what you did!" she seethed. She did not know that he was already paying. He had thought the feelings of conflict would cease once he made his decision and saw it through. Instead they had intensified and he felt them more often than not. Where before he had felt apprehension about what he might have to do, now he felt guilt for what he had done. Certainty had replaced uncertainty, in a way, and it was hard to tell which was worse. His failure was not in the deed but in his emotions, not in actions but in attitude. He was not heartless enough to satisfy Snoke.

Kylo gathered that his and Rey's current situations bore some similarities. They were both contending with a mentor's disappointment, as well as their own isolation and failure. Though Rey did not reveal details about Luke Skywalker's current state, Kylo sensed her emotions relating to him. Evidently, she thought Kylo an ungrateful traitor to a heroic relative. But she barely knew half of the story, and what she did know of it came from Luke's half.

From the moment Kylo had discovered her strength and sensitivity to the Force, he had wanted her to grow in her power, to reach her potential. If she intended to learn from the last Jedi, and possessed as much darkness as Kylo had sensed in her, she ought to know, for her own sake, how Luke Skywalker would react to discovering such power.

While Kylo was intrigued by the connection between them, Rey hated it. She hated that her enemy could taunt her and rekindle all the negative emotions she had dealt with lately. He may not have been the greatest enemy of the Resistance—that would be Snoke, the highest source of power in the Dark Side and the First Order. But Kylo Ren was the enemy for whom Rey felt the most personal hatred.

When she stood under the _Millennium Falcon_ in her poncho, reaching out to feel the rain, it reminded her of the last time she had experienced rain, in one of those frightening visions prompted by touching Luke's light saber in Maz Kanata's cellar. In one of them, water was falling on her, all around her, and on the masked creatures wielding red light sabers. Less than an hour later she had met their leader, not in a vision but in the flesh.

The man who kept appearing to her through the Force was the same one who had paralyzed her in the forest, held his saber up to her neck, separated her from her friends, invaded her mind, withdrew her most private secrets, killed Han, and wounded Finn. She had every right to call him a snake, a monster. Yet when he admitted that she was right to describe him as such, it left her confused. How self-aware was he? Did he recognize the wrongness of his actions? Did he simply not care? Or was it possible that he regretted them?

Seeing him half undressed was unnerving in multiple ways. It was not that he looked particularly good or bad—Rey hardly knew what traits were considered beautiful or ugly in their species—but having so much skin exposed made him seem vulnerable in a way that clashed with how she thought— _should_ think— _wanted_ to think about him. It was easier to hate Kylo Ren when he was unknown or invisible, a creature in a mask rather than a person with a face. Rey did not want to see his face, or any more of him. She did not want to be reminded of his humanity, his physicality, his mortality. She did not want to see how similar they were—the same species, even some common physical traits, like light skin and dark hair. The sight of the scars she had dealt him should have given her some satisfaction, but it did not.

For the first time, she asked him to explain himself. While he stood bare physically, she bared herself emotionally, tears flowing, voice choking, as she demanded why he had killed his father.

Instead of answering directly, Kylo turned the conversation back to Rey, to her own parents who had abandoned her more completely and more heartlessly than Han and Leia had abandoned him to Luke. She needed to let go of her parents, as well as the mythos of Luke Skywalker and the Jedi. The sooner she recognized her weakness, the sooner she would be able to remedy it.

He asked again if Luke had told her what happened the night he destroyed the Jedi temple. Rey replied affirmatively, but Kylo recognized that was not the case—either she was lying about having been told, or Luke had lied to her in his telling. So Kylo told her what he had experienced: waking up to the sound of a light saber, turning from his side to look up, and seeing his uncle and teacher with weapon raised to murder him. It was the first time he had told anyone what happened that night, besides Snoke and the other Jedi padawans who had joined him.

Rey tried to brush it off as lies, but he had planted seeds of doubt where she had been trying to grow hope and faith. If she was going to find the truth, she first needed to want it, and then she would have to seek it for herself.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I'm taking a hiatus for Lent (February 14-April 1 this year), but I have updates planned for April, May, and June.


	5. The Force Reveals

_Published April 27, 2018_

"The Force Reveals"

I'm Nobody! Who are you?  
Are you Nobody, too?  
Then there's a pair of us—don't tell;  
They'd banish us, you know.

~ Emily Dickinson

* * *

The fourth time Rey and Kylo saw each other through the Force, her reaction was markedly different. She had already ceased to be surprised, but now she was not even upset or annoyed to see him. She almost seemed to have expected, or wanted, to see him.

Her hair, skin, and clothes were wet, and she was trying to warm herself with a fire and a blanket. She was downcast, as lonely as Kylo knew her to feel; yet somehow she looked beautiful, with the blanket falling from her shoulders and firelight glowing on her skin.

He sat down across from her and waited. It was the first time they interacted while they were both sitting down. They were no longer confrontational or defensive. Rey began talking without invitation, and surprisingly without much reservation. Instead of flinging threats, insults, accusations, or personal questions, she told him what she had just done, why she was wet and emotionally shaken.

Even though they were not physically together, Kylo felt her warmth, her light. When he sensed her powers awakening, even before they met, he had confessed to his grandfather that he felt pulled to the light. Was he drawn to her because of her light, or was he drawn to the light because of her?

There was darkness in her, too, just as there was light in him, and she now admitted what he had known already, that it called to her the same way the light called to him. She admitted that she had given into the darkness, had reached out to it and let herself fall in without fear then or regret now. Kylo Ren was the only person she could expect to understand how she felt and not judge her for her actions.

Somehow—either through empathy drawn from his own experience, or this new connection through the Force—he _felt_ her disappointment when she described her adventure in the cave, and how the mirror showed only her own reflection. There was no grand secret of her past or identity, no helpful mentor or words of wisdom for her future. There was only Rey, the scrawny scavenger with access to more power than she knew how to use.

"I have never felt so alone." Rey was aware that Kylo already knew, from his mind-probing interrogation of her, how lonely she had been throughout her life. For this to have been her loneliest moment was truly something, and admitting it made her more vulnerable than she had ever allowed herself to be with anyone.

It was enough to move Kylo to offer some mutuality. "You're not alone." It came out almost in a whisper. It had been a long time since he felt so emotional due to another person's experience rather than his own. And yet, their experiences were similar in many ways, which was another reason why hearing about Rey's touched him so deeply. He understood how it felt to carry such burdensome power, to have Luke Skywalker let you down, and to disappoint both your master and yourself.

Rey had looked down at the fire or off to the side during most of her narration, but hearing Kylo speak, she looked back up at him, and maintained eye contact. "Neither are you," she answered.

It was the first time either of them felt grateful for, and accepting of, their bond. Somehow they did not even entirely think of each other as enemies. They did not hate each other as they had when they met in person, or when these telepathic interactions had begun. They had become intimate without trying, almost against their wills, acting increasingly vulnerable, and feeling increasingly comfortable with that vulnerability.

"It isn't too late," Rey said. While her left hand held the blanket secure around herself, she lifted her right hand from her side, held it out, and extended her fingers.

Kylo's eyes flickered down to look at her hand, then back up to meet her gaze again. When had he last touched someone, skin to skin? When he needed to move someone, he used the Force; when he needed to hurt someone, he used his light saber; if, on some rare occasions, he touched someone directly—such as when he carried Rey—it was with gloved hands. (Even during their duel, they had grabbed each other's hands and tried to force them down.) Most of the people and objects he touched ended up damaged, either intentionally or accidentally. No one _wanted_ to touch or be touched by him. But Rey extended her arm further toward him, looking at him with hope, expectation.

They did not know if it was even possible to touch someone this way, through the Force, over such a vast physical distance. If this bond was mental or spiritual, would they even be able to sense each other? They wanted to find out.

Kylo pulled the glove off his right hand before reaching out. If they were going to attempt this, he wanted to feel it with his skin, without the leather barrier. His hand trembled as he brought it closer to hers. Finally, the inner sides of their fingers touched.

For Kylo, what happened then was like seeing Rey's memories when he interrogated her a few days earlier. Then, he had forced his way into her mind. Now, the visions came to him without any effort on his part. He did not know if the things he saw were her memories or a more objective revelation from the Force.

A fresh drop of water trickled down Rey's cheek. It was not from the rain or seawater she was still drying off herself. It was a tear. She was crying. The observation raised more questions in Kylo's mind. Did she see the things he saw, or was the Force showing her something different? What powerful emotions was she feeling—joy or sorrow? Did she feel them for her own sake, or his?

They were both trembling, tense, striving to maintain contact. They might have stayed that way much longer, if the moment had not been violently interrupted.

 _He_ was there.

Luke Skywalker's arrival and outburst caused Kylo to look away from Rey, and caused Rey to pull her hand back. The connection broke, and she was gone, and Kylo was left still holding out his hand. His dismay and fear were not for his own sake, but for Rey's. No doubt Skywalker thought his old student was seducing his new one to the Dark Side. He would not have been entirely wrong.

Though he no longer saw or heard Rey, he felt her rage. It was a familiar feeling—he had sensed it in her on Starkiller Base—but now it was not directed toward him, but toward Luke Skywalker. Yet it had to do with Ben Solo. She now believed what he had told her about the night Skywalker tried to kill him. He was not sure whether it stemmed from the injustice itself, or _his_ being the subject of it.

Perhaps Rey was strong enough in the Force to hold her own against the old master. The thought made Kylo want to smile. If Rey fought Skywalker, would that be when she gave in to the Dark Side?

If Skywalker killed her, as he had tried to kill his nephew, Kylo would almost certainly sense it through their bond. Then there would be only one thing for him to do: resume his mission to find and kill Skywalker. Losing Rey would have yet another, newer reason for vengeance.

Rey was the one good thing in his life now. Luke Skywalker had ruined every other aspect of his life; he had better not ruin this one.


	6. A Ray of Hope

_Published May 26, 2018_

"A Ray of Hope"

* * *

"The Mask of Evil" by Bertolt Brecht

On my wall hangs a Japanese mask  
of gilded wood, the mask of an evil demon.  
With sympathy, I see  
the veins at his temple swelling,  
showing what a strain it is to be bad.

* * *

Rey had been wrong about many things, particularly those relating to the Force. Over the past several days, she had learned that little, if anything, was how she had assumed. Not only was the Force different than she had assumed, but the people she counted as friends and enemies were almost the opposite of how she had originally seen them.

Luke Skywalker was not the hero Rey had imagined him to be, and Kylo Ren was not the villain she had perceived him to be. She had misjudged them—not unlike how she misjudged Finn, taking him first for a thief, then for a heroic Resistance fighter, before he proved himself a frightened but loyal friend. Finn was the first person in whom Rey had seen conflicting motives and emotions. Yet even after meeting him, she had continued to believe that certain individuals epitomized only one side of the Force, the Dark or the Light.

Now she knew better. Both Luke and Kylo were flawed, susceptible to darkness, yet not impenetrable to light. And both had given up hope of redeeming themselves. Rey had tried and failed to convince Luke that he could, but since he refused, Rey reoriented her goal toward Kylo instead. She would offer Ben Solo the chance Luke never gave him, the chance to choose the light and reject the darkness. Everything she had learned and experienced during her time on Ahch-To made her confident he would do so: her new knowledge of what had caused his fall from grace, his willingness to touch her hand—the same hand that had held the light saber she used to scar him—the conflict she had felt in him, and the vision she had seen of his future. It was certainly possible, and at this point, it was the only hope she had.

Before returning to the _Millennium Falcon_ , Rey stopped by the Force tree and retrieved the Jedi texts. She could not help Luke if he wanted to die, but she did not need to let the Jedi religion die with him. She could study the texts on her own, to continue her training; and if anything went wrong—if anything happened to her—they might still be useful to Finn, who had used Luke's light saber, or to Leia and the Resistance. Perhaps someday, someone would have an awakening in the Force, just as Rey had.

When she explained the plan to Chewbacca and R2-D2, she expected them to try to talk her out of it. Just days ago Kylo had killed Han, Chewie's best friend. Yet Chewie supported Rey's decision and agreed to drop her off before taking the _Falcon_ back into hiding. Like Leia and Han, he had watched Ben Solo grow up, and believed, or wanted to believe, that he could come home.

While Chewbacca flew the ship, Rey got herself ready for her meeting. She felt strange and a little silly, putting so much thought into her appearance. She had always maintained basically the same hairstyle and type of clothes she had worn as a child, wanting to be recognizable when her family returned. She had made her clothes out of whatever she could scrounge or barter, which was barely enough to keep herself protected from Jakku's harsh environment. She was not skilled in making clothes, which was why she had not sewn her longest piece of fabric into a tighter garment. It had provided camouflage and hidden how scrawny she was. On Jakku, Rey had always kept her hair pulled back into buns, which kept it out of her face and prevented it from getting tangled or sandy. She had maintained that style on Ahch-To, where the wind would have blown it every which way.

She had virtually no concept of dressing in different ways for different occasions. She had never tried to dress or groom herself with the intention of making a good impression. But now she was. She wanted Kylo to see that she was not there to fight him, but willing to fight _for_ him. She was not entirely sure whether she would be met with diplomacy or violence, so she wanted to appear ready for either one.

She was already cleaner than she had ever been on Jakku, having bathed on D'Qar and been soaked by seawater and rain on Ahch-To. She dried the rain off herself and changed into dry clothes, an outfit she had put together with materials provided by the Resistance. They combined elements from her Jakku style and the Resistance's utilitarian style, and even had some resemblance to Luke's Jedi robes. Donning this outfit made Rey feel like both her old self—a scavenger, a survivor—and the new person she was becoming—the Jedi, the rebel, the Resistance member.

She left most of her hair down, the way it had been when she saw her reflection in the cave, and when she spoke with Kylo just now. It was tame enough that it would stay out of her way if she had to fight, but it gave an impression of softness that might not go amiss when presenting herself as an ally, a potential friend.

When it came to weapons, Rey decided to leave her staff on the _Falcon_ , but felt she must bring the light saber. She had presented it to Luke as a plea for help and an offer of redemption. It seemed only fair to do the same for Ben.

As Rey made these small, simple decisions, doubts about her more significant choice snuck into her mind against her will. Luke had said the Jedi fell because of their hubris. Rey had not known the meaning of that word, had needed to ask R2-D2 to define it as though he were a protocol droid. Was she being arrogant now, thinking that she could bring Ben back to the light? His own father, someone who knew him far longer and better than she, had failed to do so. But maybe it was to her advantage that he had fewer memories associated with her, less resentment aimed toward her. All she had ever done to hurt him—she winced when she remembered his scars, the largest of which she herself had inflicted—had been in the context of war, when she needed to fight in self-defense. When she saw him in the Force, she did not feel any anger directed toward her, even though he had more than a few reasons to hate her.

At least, if she was wrong, she was the only one who would suffer for it. No one was counting on her to rescue them from immediate danger. She had already failed her mission to bring Luke Skywalker to the Resistance. This was her last chance to bring back someone who might be able to help.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

If you're wondering why I went on a tangent about Rey's appearance, it was largely inspired by my experience making a Rey cosplay for this past Star Wars Day. It made me wonder what her thought process was when she obtained or made her clothes, and what purpose(s) each piece served.

 **Disclaimer:** I took the title for this chapter from the song "Beautiful City" from the 2012 Broadway revival of _Godspell_ by Stephen Schwartz. That song is very fitting of the Rebellion/Resistance, especially in _The Last Jedi_.


	7. The Force Knows

_Published June 28, 2018_

"The Force Knows"

* * *

"First Memory" by Louise Glück

Long ago, I was wounded. I lived  
to revenge myself against my father, not  
for what he was—for what I was: from the beginning of time,  
in childhood, I thought  
that pain meant  
I was not loved.  
It meant I loved.

* * *

Kylo sensed Rey's approach before _Supremacy_ 's sensors detected her. She was coming to him, not on the _Millennium Falcon_ but in a tiny escape pod, with the Skywalker light saber in her possession.

He recognized the capsule as one from the _Millennium Falcon_ ; he had seen them many times and even played in them as a child. It was shaped like a coffin, an eerie and disturbing comparison, but the young woman inside was quite alive and too lovely to be mistaken for a corpse.

The last time they had seen each other in person, they had been filled with fear, anger, and hatred, trying to make each other suffer; but the last time they had seen each other through the Force, they had been tender, empathetic, feeling mutuality, wanting each other's company.

Through the escape pod's glass window, Rey looked up at Kylo with a soft, uncertain expression, apprehensive but more hopeful than fearful. She could see that he was not surprised to see her; in fact, he looked somehow satisfied.

Kylo stepped away before the pod opened, to avoid seeing Rey's reaction when she saw the Stormtroopers and the handcuffs. He sensed her dismay and disappointment, but her resolve remained.

Whether or not Rey cared for him on a personal level, she believed in him enough to risk the loss of her freedom or her life. But she must have understood that if Kylo allowed her to board the ship as anything other than a prisoner, Snoke would know. Ben Solo may have been the son of a famous smuggler, but Kylo Ren had long ago cast off any skills or knowledge gained from him. The Supreme Leader had felt her awakening in the Force and could surely sense her presence as easily as Kylo did. Hiding someone so strong in the Force from the Supreme Leader himself would be impractical, if not impossible.

But if he and Rey were going to be allies, and Rey continued to fight Snoke, then Kylo would have to betray Snoke, in some way, to some degree **, in order to protect Rey**. The question was how and when this betrayal would take place.

He could not tell Rey this intention. Snoke would look into both of their minds. Rey had been able to withstand Kylo's mind probe, but Snoke was another story. It would be safer if she did not know what Kylo was planning to do.

Kylo dismissed the Stormtroopers at the elevator before he and Rey stepped into it. They had no business going to the Supreme Leader's chamber. In one hand he finally held his family's legacy light saber, the one made by Anakin Skywalker himself. With his other hand he held his opposite wrist. He tried to remain impassive, ignoring Rey's presence as best he could despite being confined to a small space with her.

Rey, however, refused to let silence reign. "You don't have to do this. I feel the conflict in you. It's tearing you apart."

That was how Kylo had described himself, just days ago. _"I'm being torn apart."_ Had she heard him say that on Starkiller Base? He had not noticed her presence there until after he carried out his decision to kill his father.

Kylo kept his gaze fixed on the door, pretending not to care about her words, until she spoke his name. "Ben." It was the first time Rey had addressed him by any name, and she chose the one his parents had given him, the one he had given up. But instead of talking about the past that he wanted to die, she spoke of the future she had foreseen.

She believed in him, even though he was delivering her to Snoke. He did not consider that a betrayal, since they had never established an official alliance, but it would have shaken the faith of any other soft-hearted person.

No one had ever really believed in him. His mother and uncle had not thought him capable of resisting the Dark Side, while Snoke had thought him too much still in the Light. Rey was aware of the darkness in him, and accepted it; yet she had enough faith in him, or in the light that resided in him, to entrust her life to him.

But to have Rey believe in you was not exactly a high honor. She had believed in Luke, and she still believed in her parents.

Kylo had said he would not be seduced. He had kept that promise by killing Han Solo and leading the attack on Leia Organa's Resistance. He had thought he might be able to bring Rey to the Dark Side, or to some gray area between the Light and the Dark. Now, it was hard to say which of them was seducing the other.

Rey stepped closer to him, lowered her voice to a whisper, and offered to help him. At that point, Kylo could not stop himself from whispering back, professing his confidence in her, addressing her by name for the first time, and admitting that he had seen the very revelation she had sought, her parents' identities.

That last part may have been the wrong thing to say: Rey stepped backwards, her expression hardening, closing herself off. Perhaps her trust in him was already wavering. That was probably a good thing for Snoke to see.

Kylo steeled himself once more, knowing that whatever happened now, could not afford to react strongly, as he usually did when something went wrong with his plans. He would have to be careful, veil his emotions without the aid of a mask, and calculate how he and Rey could both walk away alive.


	8. The Force Defends

_Published July 30, 2018_

"The Force Defends"

* * *

She had no fear of him now, and in the cause of her confidence her sorrow lay. ~ Thomas Hardy, _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

* * *

If things had gone differently on Starkiller Base, this scene—Kylo Ren delivering the Force-sensitive scavenger Rey to Supreme Leader Snoke—might have taken place much sooner. There would have been far less pain in between, but also far less pleasure.

While Kylo bent down on one knee and bowed his head in obeisance, Rey stood straight, facing Snoke directly, ignoring his command to approach. "So much strength," Snoke crooned. "Darkness rises, and light to meet it."

Kylo let the Skywalker light saber slip from his grasp as Snoke summoned it with the Force. "Skywalker, I assumed," Snoke chuckled, before his voice turned hard. "Wrongly." He leaned forward. "Closer, I said."

Kylo felt Rey's fear spike slightly as Snoke used the Force to pull her closer. It was an uncomfortably slow and silent thing to see when he ventured to raise his eyes ever so slightly.

Rey spoke for the first time since entering the throne room. "You underestimate Skywalker. _And_ Ben Solo. _And_ me." Despite everything she had learned about the Skywalkers and Solos, she was still loyal to them, and still believed in them—even Kylo, who had just turned her in.

While he secretly marveled and wondered at her attitude, Snoke laughed and derived it. "It was _I_ who bridged your minds."

Hearing this, Kylo could not stop himself from looking up in surprise. It was all he could do to keep his emotions contained as Snoke said, "I stoked Ren's tormented soul. I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you, and you were not wise enough to resist the bait."

Though Snoke had admitted to manipulating Hux, Kylo had thought he was different. But perhaps _Kylo_ was the metaphorical cur to whom Snoke had referred, not Hux. Snoke had been using him as a pawn too, without his knowledge or consent. Perhaps the only reason Snoke had allowed Kylo to live this long, after his dismal series of failures, was to lure Rey, knowing she would be more sympathetic toward someone she thought could be won over.

Han Solo had been right. Snoke was just using him—first for his powers, but then for his weaknesses, the parts of him Rey had empathized with: his loneliness, his feelings of inadequacy, the pull he felt toward the light.

If what Snoke said now was true, there was nothing special about Kylo and Rey's connection. On the other hand, perhaps he was trying to deceive them now, to make them feel alone again, because together they might actually be powerful enough to defeat him, the elite guards, and whichever First Order or Resistance members stood against them.

Kylo remained still but could not stop himself from watching Rey and Snoke. The Supreme Leader pulled her in close enough to touch her cheek, his voice now an exultant whisper. "Now, you will give me Skywalker. Then, I will kill you with the cruelest stroke."

Kylo realized then what fate Snoke had in mind for Rey. Snoke was not trying to get her to embrace the Dark Side, as Kylo had initially expected. He was just toying with her, reveling in his ability to hurt her in various twisted ways, as he had with Kylo in his apprenticeship. The most painful death for Rey the most would be at the hands of someone she cared about, someone in whom she had put her faith and hope.

Practically in Snoke's face, Rey let out a single defiant syllable: "No."

"Yes." Snoke flung her into the air and held her there.

Kylo had gone easy on her when he probed her mind just a few days ago. He had deliberately been gentler with her than with the captured pilot, Poe Dameron, out of a combination of curiosity and compassion. But Snoke's power to penetration one's thoughts and emotions was far beyond Kylo's, and had no reservations for inflicting pain.

Kylo Ren had tortured people, and witnessed people being tortured, more times than he could count; but he had never seen it subjected to someone he cared about, or who cared about him. He could feel Rey's pain as she tried and failed to keep Snoke out of her mind. First she whimpered "No, no, no," then her voice became a wretched scream.

Finally, Snoke found what he wanted, and let Rey fall to the floor. But he was not through with tormenting her. He forced her to look out the windows and instruments, revealing the status of the Resistance she had fought so hard for: the last of them were fleeing the First Order on tiny, defenseless transports. This was news to Kylo, and convinced him that even if his mother had survived the bridge explosion, she must now be dead or about to die.

Rey tried everything, tried to summon both the Skywalker light saber and the one of Kylo's own making—she did not care that it had been used to kill Han. The darkness in her, the anger and hatred she felt toward Snoke, was palpable, and drove her to act without thinking about her probability of success. She charged at Snoke, who deflected her easily, with an air of carelessness.

Kylo kept careful track of where the weapons were, even as he tried to keep his gaze lowered. Rey would not give up, but she could not defeat Snoke. Not on her own. Kylo was her only hope.

Snoke seemed to be thinking along the same lines, as he used the Force to turn Rey toward Kylo. Both on their knees, they were almost the same height, and met each other's eyes for the first time since stepping out of the elevator. Snoke addressed him with every epithet he had ever boasted, every praise he had hoped to hear from his master. "Complete your training and fulfill your destiny!"

Kylo picked up his light saber slowly. It was only when he stood and stepped closer to Rey that her anger and defiance gave way and she began to look uncertain.

"I know what I have to do." Kylo had said those same words to his father, but this time no expression of self-doubt followed them. He was resolute. For Snoke, he had killed his past, but he would not kill his future.

Fortunately, Rey did not understand his true meaning. "Ben," she gasped, still panting from her exertion moments before. Now she was finally afraid. She had been terrified of him when they first fought on Takodana, but her fear of him had lessened as she discovered her own powers and they slowly grew to respect and like each other. Now, he saw fear in her regard for him again, but it was laced with something new: sorrow, despair.

Were they for her own sake, for the end of her life; or for his sake, for what killing her would do to his soul, especially now that it was so intimately connected to hers? It was difficult to look at her face, no longer in the agony of Snoke's torture, but revealing a different kind of pain, the advent of fear and sorrow. And in spite of everything, there was still that desperate hope. She made no attempt to fight Snoke's hold on her or stop Kylo from moving. She looked up at him with unshed tears in her eyes, which continued pleading even while her voice was silent.

"You think you can turn him?" Snoke laughed. "Pathetic child. I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind. I see his every intent. Yes! I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true. And now, foolish child, he ignites it and kills his true enemy!

It was the final lesson Snoke ever taught: Kylo knew his true enemy, and it was on him that he turned the Skywalker light saber, using the Force to ignite it remotely.

Snoke's utter shock caused him to release Rey, who fell and looked up to see the blue light impaling him. With the merest flex of his fingers, Kylo brought the light saber through Snoke, and then through the air in his and Rey's direction.

Rey reached up readily and caught it, and this time Kylo let her have it. As she stood, she turned around to face him, completely awed, with renewed hope and resolution in her eyes. When Kylo met her gaze, and ignited his own light saber at his side, a silent understanding passed between them, that they were in this together and ready to fight for and with each other. This had not been part of Snoke's plan. Though they may have had different visions, or interpreted them differently, they both saw the two of them standing together. This was that moment.

They turned their backs to each other to face the guards on each side of the throne. Kylo had not fought back-to-back with anyone since his Jedi training, and even then it had never felt like this. A Sith could not be so trusting and codependent as that. He had forgotten the strangely natural, wordless communication, relying on the Force—within, around, and especially between them—to help the partners work in tandem.

He could feel the darkness in Rey, just as he had when they fought in the forest. She did not hesitate to kill the praetorian guards; she did not care about them the way she cared about him. Which meant she was not just risking herself for him out of some humanitarian idealism. She cared about him as an individual.

When he was surrounded, he risked a glance at Rey just in time to see a guard wound her upper arm. As powerful as she was, she still lacked training. Holding her own against one or two guards at a time was just as challenging for her as fighting several at once was for Kylo. He hastened to finish off his own assailants so he could help her.

But in the end, the opposite happened: Rey finished her fight and intervened to save him when he seemed to be trapped. She threw the Skywalker light saber back to him, and he accepted her help without hesitation.

When they were the last ones standing, the only living beings in the room, Rey turned to the windows and urged him to continue to act, this time on behalf of the beleaguered Resistance; but Kylo turned to look at Snoke's bisected corpse, marveling at what they had just done, planning what to do next.

His parents were dead, as was Snoke. There was no one on either side to work for, to fight for, to try to please. He could be his own master now, forge a path of his own choosing for both himself and the galaxy. The thought of such freedom was exhilarating and terrifying, invigorating and paralyzing. He did not want to do it alone. He wanted—needed—someone by his side. And Rey, the scavenger from Jakku, had proven herself his equal in every way. They needed each other. He had suspected so since Starkiller, but now he was certain of it.

"Rey." He held out his free hand, beckoning and offering at the same time. "I want you to join me. We can rule together, bring a new order to the galaxy!"

Rey's voice was almost a whisper, choked. "Don't do this, Ben." Tears were forming in her eyes, and they glistened as she shook her head. "Please don't go this way."

"No, no; you're still holding on!" Kylo's voice rose with his frustration and desperation. "Let go!"

If they were going to make this work, they both had to put the past to rest. He had just killed his, or at least part of it, the part that had been holding him back. Now she had to do the same.

"Do you want to know the truth about your parents?" They had been even worse to her than his had been to him. But instead of blaming them, she believed in them, made excuses for them. "Or have you always known, and you've just hidden it away?" He stared as he stepped closer to her, finally understanding. "You know the truth. Say it." She could not at first. "Say it," he urged her again. She needed to be the one to acknowledge it, not him.

She forced herself to speak. "They were nobody."

That was the crux of it. With that being said, Kylo supplied the details. "They were filthy junk traders. Sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert." "Rey, you have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You're nothing."

Hearing those words clearly hurt; Rey looked away from him, tears falling down her cheeks. Kylo shook his head, his own emotions almost brimming over. "But not to me." Her past was of no consequence. Somehow, that thought was comforting. Unlike him, she would never be haunted by the shadow of a legacy too big to outgrow. She was like a clean datapad; she could write her own story, control her destiny, in a way he had never been able to do.

Her eyes met his again, and he extended his hand once more. "Join me." He knew the prospect of someone staying by her side would tempt her. He could see the longing in her eyes, only clouded by conflict and sadness. She looked down at his outstretched hand. When she hesitated to take it, he brought it closer to her, as she had when he hesitated to reach out the last time they saw each other through the Force. The hand he held out to her was the same hand she had touched in the firelight. "Please." The word came out as a whisper.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : I added material to the first chapter, "The Force Awakens," about Kylo's perception of Finn.


	9. Saving What We Love

_Published August 22, 2018_

"Saving What We Love"

* * *

"This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord's anointed.' See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. See that there is nothing in my hand to indicate that I am guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, 'From evildoers come evil deeds,' so my hand will not touch you. Against whom has the king of Israel come out? Who are you pursuing? A dead dog? A flea? May the Lord be our judge and decide between us. May he consider my cause and uphold it; may he vindicate me by delivering me from your hand."~ 1 Samuel 24:10-15, New International Version

* * *

As she realized how wrong she had been, Rey struggled to understand what Kylo had done and what he had hoped to accomplish. Had he been planning to betray Snoke all along? Had he merely used her, so he could disguise his intentions from Snoke and get away with killing him? Had he only given her the light saber so she could help him kill the guards?

Then he asked her to join him. Tears began to well in her eyes as she realized she would have to make a choice, forsaking either one or the other.

It was like when Finn asked her to come with him, to abandon the Resistance and pursue goals that would benefit only herself and this she had come to care for. But Finn had only asked her to leave one movement; Kylo was asking her to join another, to exercise her power over others.

He yelled at her to let go, while he himself continued to cling to the First Order, Snoke's throne, Vader's legacy, the Dark Side. Then he spoke of her parents again, as he had in the elevator, but instead of telling her what he himself had seen when they touched hands, he urged her to say it, to acknowledge what she had known all along without admitting it even to herself.

He had let her down, just like her parents, and Luke. She had invested her hope in each of them, with the foolish, pathetic faith of a child, just as Snoke had called her.

Rey had gradually and reluctantly let go of the hope of her family coming back for her, in order to help the Resistance. But the Resistance's goals were not wishful fantasies or false hopes. And Finn was probably still with them. Finn had not given up on her. She could not give up on them.

He extended his hand to her once more. It was like in her hut on Ahch-To, but as though they had switched places: he reached out toward her and waited for her to reach back toward him. When she looked up at his face and down at his hand, as he had looked at hers, he brought his hand even closer, waiting, inviting, pleading.

"Please," he whispered. It was the same word Rey had said in the cave. He was just as desperate now as she had been then, craving a connection.

Rey almost considered it. He knew her better than anyone else in the galaxy, he could see how much it would hurt him if she said no.

She had been right about the conflict in him, the light and goodness he retained. He was sane, but unbalanced and unpredictable; capable of compassion, but still essentially selfish. Rey could not ally herself with someone like that. She wanted to help him, work with him, be his friend and partner, but this was not the way.

She had to do what she could to help the Resistance survive and stop the First Order from taking over. That meant she had to leave him behind. But she doubted he would let her walk away from him and return to his enemies. She also needed her light saber back—he had not let go of it since the threw it to him.

Rey lifted her hand slowly—the same hand she had extended to him through their Force connection—and held it out as though to put it in Kylo's gloved hand. But then she turned it toward the light saber and called it to her again.

Unlike in the forest, when they had summoned it at the same time and it had come to her instead of him, this time Kylo reacted with enough time and focus and strength to halt its trajectory. It hovered in the air between them, and they both strained with the mental concentration and physical tenseness of manipulating the Force.

Neither of them was willing to let go. The Skywalker light saber was so much more than a weapon, powerful as it was in that sense: it was part of the Skywalker legacy, and it was a part that they both wanted for themselves.

They were evenly matched, and the light saber could not stand the strain as they pulled it in opposite directions.

The last time they had fought, the ground of the planet on which they stood split between them. Now, the light saber split, exploding and blowing Kylo and Rey backwards. They were both knocked unconscious.

Rey woke first, one of only two live bodies lying among corpses. She pushed herself up from the floor and saw Kylo still unconscious. She looked around wildly and found two blue-and-silver fragments among the red and black wreckage strewn across the floor. The light saber that had been built by Anakin Skywalker, kept by Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi, passed down to Luke Skywalker, safeguarded by Maz, and discovered by Rey, was broken.

There were other weapons in the room that she could take: the guards' barbaric red weapons, and the light saber on Kylo's belt. Rey was afraid to approach him and risk waking him and having to face him—she could not bear it if he felt hurt because of her, and might not survive if he was angry with her.

Rey wondered if she should kill him, so he would not fill the power vacuum left by Snoke. Who knew how he would wield such political and military power? He had more goodness than Snoke, but less experience and less control over his emotions. And there was still so much fear, anger, and hatred within him …

But as Rey looked at him, prone and vulnerable on the floor, she thought of Luke standing over his sleeping nephew, anticipating the potential destruction and trying to prevent it by ending the life of the boy he was supposed to help.

No. Rey could not bring herself to do it. She thought of one legitimate excuse, that she would not be able to face Leia and tell her she had killed her son; but really it was because she respected him and cared for him too much. She did not know what role he was supposed to play in this war, but now she saw that it was not something she could decide for him. She had shown him that he had a choice, but only he could make it.

So she would leave him, return to her friends, and wait to see what he did. She knew all about waiting. But this time she would accept the possibility—even probability—that events might not unfold the way she wanted or expected. Every time she thought she knew what Kylo was going to do, he surprised her. So she would not count on him to turn back to the light. She would live and work as though it were not going to happen.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I tried to stay true to Rey's reasoning in Jason Fry's novelization without sounding too much like his narration. I find her reasoning in that book very much like David's reasoning for sparing Saul's life in the first book of Samuel.


	10. Fighting What We Hate

_Published October 9, 2018_

"Fighting What We Hate"

* * *

"But you are a great sinner, that's true… and your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing." ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky, _Crime and Punishment_ Chapter IV Part IV

* * *

When Kylo awoke, Rey was gone, along with the Skywalker light saber. She had left him alive again, even though she had the opportunity to kill him, and even after he had decided to take Snoke's place as the leader of the First Order. She left him scarred again, too, though this time the wounds were not to his body or his pride but to his heart.

He had offered her everything—he had literally offered her the entire galaxy—and it had not been enough for her.

She had rejected him and turned against him, just like everyone else in his life. Why had he thought she would be different? Because he saw her thoughts and felt her emotions more clearly and frequently than he did those of anyone else? Then he must have misjudged her, as much as she had misjudged him.

If she was choosing the Resistance over him, why had she not simply finished him off while he was unconscious? Did she still hope that he would help them? Or did she care about him enough to not want him to die, or at least to not want his blood on her own hands?

It did not matter now. He would show her, Hux, the First Order, and what was left of the Resistance, that he could do this, was meant to do this.

The first few times they met, Rey had wanted him dead, though Kylo had seen her as a potential asset or ally. Now the situation had reversed. She might have seen him as a possible source of help, but if she continued to ally herself with the old way of the Jedi and the Resistance, he would destroy her along with them.

Kylo Ren had already surpassed Darth Vader's achievements by becoming the ruler of the galaxy. Now he would complete the two goals Vader had set out and failed to do: eliminating the Jedi and crushing the rebellion.

In a way, Rey brought Luke Skywalker to the First Order after all. Somehow it made sense that the enigmatic Jedi master would only come on his own terms, and arrive at the moment when Kylo was closest to victory, just to scare him, make him doubt himself.

When firing on him from the AT-ATs failed, Kylo knew he had to face him directly. Ever since learning that Luke had survived the destruction of the training temple, everything Kylo had done had been building up to this moment. Now he would finally have his vengeance and be at peace.

"Did you come here to say you forgive me? To save my soul?" Surely Luke was not as naïve as Rey had been, to think that would work to stop him from pursuing power.

"No."

So Luke believed he was beyond hope, just as he had when he raised his light saber over his sleeping nephew.

The most maddening thing was how calm Luke was. While Kylo attacked again and again, he barely tried to fight back. He made no move to attack, only waited for Kylo to come at him.

He even tried to talk, as though words could make a difference now. "I failed you, Ben. I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are!" Of course Luke was sorry _now_ , after everything Kylo had done in retaliation and the quest to find him. Everything could be traced back to his betrayal and his disappearance. "The Resistance is dead. The war is over. And when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi."

"Amazing," Luke said coolly. "Every word of what you just said was wrong. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi."

He must mean Rey. She had replaced Kylo as Luke's student as well as Han and Leia's child. Where they had only seen the darkness in him, they only saw the light in her. But if Kylo could not have her on his side, he would make sure no one could—not the light, not the Resistance, and especially not Luke.

Kylo shook with all the emotions raging inside him, threatening his resolve. "I'll destroy her, and you, and all of it."

Then Luke did something strange: he turned off his light saber and stood upright, his hands at his sides. "No." He shook his head sadly. Strike me down in anger and I'll always be with you. Just like your father."

How _dare_ he. Kylo could not stand his taunts any longer.

Screaming with unholy fury, he ran at Luke and sliced through him, meaning to cut him in two like Snoke. His feet slid in the salt, and he remained crouching and panting for a moment, confused by the lack of resistance, wondering if it had really been that easy to destroy one of his greatest fears.

He turned around, and saw Luke still standing there, whole and unharmed, as he had after the barrage of fire from the AT-ATs.

Incredulous, but slowly understanding, Kylo stepped toward him with his saber extended in front of him. It passed through Luke as though he were a multicolored hologram. He was not physically there.

 _"The effort would kill you."_ That was what Luke had told his students, and what Kylo had told Rey. Yet Luke was going against his own warnings, projecting himself, killing himself.

"No," Kylo said breathlessly, withdrawing his saber.

Luke continued to look at him. "See you around, kid."

 _Kid_. That had been Han Solo's trademark term of endearment for people younger than him.

As Kylo stared, Luke Skywalker bowed his head and faded away.

The Jedi master was gone, but Kylo had not been the one to strike him down. On the other hand, his death was, in a sense, Kylo's fault, since Luke had projected himself to stall him. He realized this as he turned toward the blasted door and realized the Resistance had used the distraction to escape.

Luke had died for the Resistance, letting Kylo take his anger out on him and watch him own up to his failures. In so doing, he had humiliated Kylo in front of his troops and caused him to fail at what would have been his greatest triumph. Kylo had done exactly what Hux warned him not to do from the start: he had let his personal vendetta get in the way of the political and military agenda.

There was nothing left to do but go in and swipe the base for evidence. It was empty, of course, and void of anything remotely useful. All the equipment dated from the time of the old Rebellion.

But when Kylo entered a room alone, something on the floor glinted in the light streaming in from outside. Kylo knelt and found it was a small object he recognized: the gold dice that had always hung in the _Millennium Falcon_. Han Solo had transferred them to each vehicle he owned, as though to mark it as his property, or bring it good luck. Ben had played with them as a child, sometimes used the Force to levitate them and make them land on certain sides.

Kylo felt the sensation that by now had become familiar, of another presence suddenly occupying the room. In spite of himself, he looked up expectantly and saw Rey. She was standing and seemed to be on a higher level than him, as though on a platform above him.

She turned, as though expecting someone to come up, but when she saw him below her, she froze, her lips parting in surprise. It only lasted a moment, though. Rey took a breath, closing her mouth, looking down steadily at him. She was not afraid, and not exactly angry, but there was a hardness in her eyes. The hatred she had felt toward him was no longer there, but neither was the openness she had shown him recently.

A few moments ago he had vowed to kill her, but seeing her now, Kylo did not feel the bitterness or anger. Under that smoldering look of disappointment and resignation, he felt almost like a chastised child.

Rey ended the moment by pressing the button to close the door. She continued to look at him with that calm, resolute expression as the gap grew smaller, until the door separated them.

Kylo only looked down when the connection ended. The gold dice faded from his gloved hand—like Luke, they had been a Force projection. He must have brought them here, but someone else had chosen to leave them behind for him to find.

Luke Skywalker was finally dead. The entire First Order was under his command. There was no one left to torment him, no one more powerful than him in the entire galaxy. And yet, none of it felt like a victory.

He had never felt so alone.


	11. Everything We Need

_Published November 3, 2018_

"Everything We Need"

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She dreamed that she was standing on a wooden rule, and coming towards her in a halo of splendor she saw a young man who smiled at her in joy, although she herself was sad and quite consumed with grief. He asked her the reason for her sorrow and her daily tears … When she replied that her tears were for the soul I had lost, he told her to take heart for, if she looked carefully, she would see that where she was, there also was I. And when she looked, she saw me standing beside her on the same rule. … when she told me of the dream and I tried to interpret it as a message that she need not despair of being one day such as I was then, she said at once and without hesitation "'No! He did not say 'Where he is, you are,' but 'Where you are, he is.'" … the joy for which this devout woman had still so long to wait was foretold so long before to comfort her in the time of her distress. For nearly nine years were yet to come during which I wallowed deep in the mire and the darkness of delusion. Often I tried to lift myself, only to plunge the deeper. … The dream had given new spirit to her hope, but she gave no rest to her sighs and her tears.

~ St. Augustine, _Confessions_ Book III Chapter 11, translated by R. S. Pine-Coffin

* * *

Rey could count on one hand the number of places where she had seen crowds. Niima Outpost was the first. Depending on the day and the season, it might have one to three dozen people in its tents and bazaars. Maz Kanata's castle on Takodana was the second, full of strange and seedy clientele. The Resistance base on D'Qar was the third.

After the battle on Crait, there were far fewer people in the Resistance, but they were all crowded into the _Millennium Falcon_ , which gave them the impression of being a crowd. It was hard for Rey to get used to living with so many people in such cramped quarters. It was almost impossible to find a private spot on the _Falcon_. Even the smuggling compartments had been converted into sleeping quarters for whoever was off duty. Sometimes, she almost missed the stillness that had characterized many nights she spent on Jakku.

On the other hand, it was nice to hear other people breathing around her as she tried to sleep. Though recent days had been wrought with more anxiety and stress than she had ever felt in her life, they left her tired enough to fall asleep quickly. With friends around her and food to eat every day, she was able to rest more easily now than she ever had in her life.

Everyone knew who she was, but it took a while for her to learn everyone's names and roles. Rey had never seen so many people smile at her, at least not so sincerely or instinctively. When a rebel caught her eye in passing, they did not ignore her or glare at her the way traders and strangers on Jakku did. The rebels acknowledged her with a nod, or showed friendliness with a smile. Rey was not used to receiving such respect and affection from strangers. Besides Finn, Leia, Chewbacca, and the two small droids, everyone aboard barely knew her, and yet they knew _of_ her. Her involvement in saving BB-8 and her victory over Kylo Ren had esteemed her in their eyes, and now that she had rescued them all from Crait, they felt indebted to her.

They considered her a hero, thought she did not feel like one.

She had not saved Han on Starkiller Base.

She had not saved the rest of the Resistance fleet.

She had not saved Ben Solo.

From time to time, Rey wondered if she had made the right decision, whether she could have done anything differently. If she had accepted Kylo's offer, perhaps she could have called off the attack herself, saving the fleet and preventing any loss of life on Crait. Had she done that in time, Vice-Admiral Holdo might not have sacrificed herself to destroy the _Supremacy_. Rey and Kylo could have ordered Hux and Phasma to release Finn and Rose—but the thought of Finn seeing her in such a position put an end to the hypothetical. Fear, pain, and despair would have followed his consternation at seeing her work for the First Order.

Anyway, would anyone in the First Order besides Kylo have even listened to her if she tried to rule alongside him? The few stormtroopers and officers who had seen or heard about her only knew her as an enemy, a fugitive, a prisoner of war. She had no authority over them; her only power over them would have been the Force and whatever Kylo said she could do. Intimidation was the only way the two of them would have been taken seriously, and Rey could not have brought herself to do that, or stood by while Kylo did that.

Rey informed the Resistance of Snoke's death at the hands of his apprentice, but the story they heard being spread by the First Order was that Rey of Jakku was the one who had assassinated Snoke. She was quickly becoming a legend, a rallying point, giving the Resistance a hero to idolize and the First Order an enemy to vilify.

After leaving Crait, Rey saw Finn take care of one wounded, unconscious rebel, hovering over her just as tenderly as Rey watched over Finn after they escaped from Starkiller Base. Apparently she was a new friend, and though she had been injured, Finn had been able to save her. Rey could not help but feel envious—not of the girl, but of Finn. While they were apart, she had also found someone she cared about, but she had not been able to save him. She now doubted that anyone could. That failure weighed on her the most because it was more personal, but it also had the most room for hope, because, unlike Han and the fallen rebels, Ben was still alive. She had not saved him, but she had spared him, which meant he might someday be able to save himself.

It made her wistful to think of how Ben could have been here with them. That had been her hope when she left Ahch-to. Of course, the rebels would not have welcomed him as readily as they welcomed Rey and Finn, but Leia would have made sure they treated him well enough—better than Snoke treated him, at any rate.

Rey got along well with Rose, once Finn introduced them. He seemed relieved when he saw them talking amiably or tinkering together; Chewbacca enlisted their help in maintaining the _Millennium Falcon_. Casual questions like "How did you join the Resistance?" and "How did you meet Finn?" led to wild stories that increased their respect for each other and gave them a few things to laugh about. It felt good to have something to laugh about and someone to laugh with.

Rey could hardly believe Rose and Poe's story, that Finn had almost sacrificed himself to destroy the battering ram on Crait. Rose understood Rey's incredulity. That kind of reckless bravery did not sound like the deserter who had wanted to run away from the war! Rey supposed that explained why Finn was so attentive to Rose while she was wounded, since she had been in that state because of her efforts to save him. Part of Rey wanted to berate Finn for being so reckless, and make him promise not to do it again, while another part of her understood his defiance and had to admire his courage. She had acted similarly when she had went against Luke's wishes, and put herself in what might have been the most dangerous position in the world. So instead of criticizing Finn, she hugged him tighter when she saw him, and thanked Rose profoundly for saving him. She also thanked BB-8 for taking such good care of Finn and helping him get out of his scrapes on Canto Bight and the _Supremacy_.

On Jakku, Rey had scratched marks into the wall of the AT-AT where she lived, to count the days, months, and years she spent there. On Ahch-to she had considered making marks on the wall of the _Millennium Falcon_ or in the hut where she had stayed on Ahch-to, but those places were not really hers, so instead she made a calendar stick to keep track of how many days had passed since she left Jakku. It was only after they left Crait that she decided to stop. She admitted to herself that she had really been counting how much time passed since her parents left. She had to accept the truth, as Maz Kanata and Ben had urged her. There was no going back to that family life she dimly remembered. Her parents weren't coming for her, and she was not going back to Jakku, at least not anytime soon. She had no reason to go back. There was nothing tying her to that place.

Rey doubted she could ever think of her parents again without also thinking of Kylo and what he had taught her, what he had forced her to acknowledge. In a way, Ben had set her free, or enabled her to free herself, by making her accept this truth. She wished she could have set him free too. She supposed she had enabled him to free himself, but he had chosen not to.

Perhaps he was making progress—he had learned that Snoke was his real enemy, and freed himself from that chain—but he still had much to learn. He was still a slave to his ambition, his grudges, his selfishness, his desire for control. Rey's mistake had been to believe that he could let go of all those wounds and defects in one simple choice. He had not fallen to the Dark Side all at once; it had been a gradual process, until Luke's mistrust and betrayal pushed him over the edge. Perhaps, if he returned to the Light, it would also be a process, not a once-and-for-all event.

There had been times on Jakku when Rey temporarily worked alongside a rival, or teamed up with someone who later betrayed her. Experiences like that taught her not to trust them thereafter, but she did not try to hurt them further. Rey hoped she and Kylo could avoid hurting each other directly, even as they led and fought for opposing forces.

Their paths were bound to cross, but not the way they had lately, through the Force, when they let down their guard and dared to trust each other, offering comfort and advice, challenging each other to grow. Even peaceful coexistence seemed like a great deal to hope for. But after everything that had happened, how much their relationship had changed, it did not seem impossible.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This is the last chapter I have for now. If Episode IX inspires me I might continue with chapters about its events. I can't believe it's been almost a year since I saw _The Last Jedi_ and was inspired to write this short story cycle! Thank you for journeying with me thus far.


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